lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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