This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
