I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
