What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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