It was confusing and full of hummus
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
