Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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