i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
