Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
