Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
the raccoons are back...
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