the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
