I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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