He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nutella sex= disaster
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
