I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
