ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
