can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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