im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
