We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
