my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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