I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
