And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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