PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A+ Viking dick
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
