last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
