dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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