She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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