no, he came in my armpit
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
