ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
