I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
