That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
