You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
