i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
