Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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