just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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