god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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