Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
