nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
