You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
