she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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