What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone shattered a urinal.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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