this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
