This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
