Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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