Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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