We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
