i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
