FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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