i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
