hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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