yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
