farters have to be the big spoon...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
