i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
