grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
