I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize