someone get that fucking seahorse.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
