this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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