May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
