Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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