either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
