she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize