I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
