the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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