Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
