Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize