Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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