Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
