I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
