i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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