You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
